Friday, September 14, 2007

A Pastor

Pastor. Exactly what is a pastor supposed to do? I work at a church, and I get the work done that I am supposed to get done. I do my tasks, but do I pastor? Should I be shocked that I can answer no to that question more often than I can say yes? So every day I come into my office with planning for things to be different. Each day I have hopes of my job and tasks being spiritual (most of them anyways), and every day when I go home I mourn another day in the office where I did my tasks. Nothing more, nothing less. What are these tasks? I plan certain events and these need to be well done. During all of this I need to show competence in leading people and the organizational skills to execute the plans. I need to keep things the same just enough to keep the traditionalists happy, and at the same time change just enough to keep it fresh and exciting. I also have to work with people and volunteers. A lot of recruiting and training people, but not too much because then you are boring or obnoxious. I also need to throw into the mix, making problems go away and communicating with people. Pretty simple really. These things fill my day. The trick is not getting these things done; that's easy. It gets tricky when I have to mix spiritual things and jargon in there because it is a church and I am a pastor. Every day I dance around the expectation that I will make the American church's business expectations spiritual. I tell them that these events are necessary for us to reach people for Christ. That makes us all feel better for the day of the event, but when I go home I know that something isn’t right. I planned an event... I solved a problem... I soothed the ache in someone heart about things feeling meaningless and burdensome...I did my job, but I was never a pastor. My name is Fayez and I am an administrator with a pastoral title and clothes. I don’t spend my days praying or studying the Bible. I can do my job without God and probably get a raise for it. I guess the question is who is to blame. Do I blame American Christian society for the expectation? No, the person to blame is me. I have refused to do the pastoral duty of breaking that mold and refusing to be pushed into it. I will plan the events, recruit people, and solve problems (somehow this is a part of my duty), but these tasks will no longer define my job, role, or days in the office. From this day on I will start pastoring again. I guess what I am saying is that I repent.